ASH | Chapter 3
by shxxxtyWhat did it really feel like to fall in love with someone? It shouldn’t leave you this lost, this anxious about gain and loss…
If only I had the courage, I could break free of Xu Luotao completely in this very moment.
Leaning against the inner wall of the rarely visited records room, Fei Huan glared at the phone that kept ringing with its pleasant chime, his eyes bright enough to sting.
A familiar number flashed across the LCD screen. The moment he saw it, he could almost smell the faint scent of smoke clinging to Xu Luotao’s fingers.
Even if he answered the call, he had to teach Xu Luotao a lesson. The world didn’t stop turning just because one person was gone!
Fei Huan thought resentfully. He hesitated, just about to press the answer key, when the ringing suddenly stopped.
His heart sank slightly.
Fei Huan’s expression shifted between green and yellow, his finger suspended in midair.
Damn it! Did he really have to hang up so quickly?
Not knowing whether he was cursing Xu Luotao or himself, Fei Huan spat out a long string of profanity. He was breathing hard and nearly smashed the phone against the wall.
Grumbling, he stuffed the phone into his pocket and looked around for something to vent the anger bottled up inside him…
Beep beep beep… The sound rang out again, startling a dejected soul.
It was Xu Luotao!
There was no way to describe how excited he felt. This time, Fei Huan answered at once, his hurried tone betraying the excitement he could barely conceal. “Xu Luotao! I know it’s you!”
“Heh heh…” Xu Luotao’s low laugh came from the other end of the phone, as though he knew about all the mental struggles Fei Huan had gone through because of him, and was pleased by them.
All of Fei Huan’s happiness was scattered by his conceited laughter. He lowered his voice and said, “Why are you calling?”
“That tone sounds exactly like a woman throwing a tantrum.” Xu Luotao spoke from his lofty position on the other end. “Fei Huan, don’t ruin the mood. I don’t like it.”
He didn’t like it? Did he think Fei Huan was some slave he kept?
An inexplicable fire shot into his head. Fei Huan’s neck flushed red as he shouted into the phone, “Drop dead! I don’t like it either!” He shot a fierce glare at the records clerk who had poked her head in, frightening her into retreating at once.
“All right, Fei Huan.” Xu Luotao’s conciliatory tone was infuriating. “I’m coming over tonight.”
“You stay the hell away from me. If you come, I’ll put a bullet in you!”
Fei Huan’s rough, labored breathing carried across the distant end of the line, and Xu Luotao fell silent.
Unable to hear Xu Luotao’s voice, Fei Huan’s furious mind cleared a little, and a faint unease began to creep in. He wanted to ask whether Xu Luotao was still there, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it.
An awkward silence stretched between the two ends of the phone…
“Since you don’t want to see me, I won’t come.” Xu Luotao’s voice was flat.
Fei Huan gripped the phone so tightly that his fingers turned unnaturally pale. Grinding his fine white teeth, he said viciously, “I hope you never come again for the rest of your life.”
“All right. Goodbye.”
Without the slightest sign of emotion, Xu Luotao said goodbye as though it meant nothing and ended the call.
Beep… beep… beep… beep… beep…
He couldn’t deny it. His heart hurt as if someone had forcibly stuffed it with a tangled mass of thorns.
Fei Huan’s handsome face twitched. He let all his weight fall against the solid wall behind him, then slammed the back of his head against it in frustration until it pounded loudly.
How had it turned out like this…
Bah! What a bastard.
Did all homosexuals deserve to die badly?
Fei Huan gave a bitter laugh and shook his head, ruining his neatly combed hairstyle completely. With a sigh, he closed his eyes.
The foul mood Xu Luotao had caused lasted until the end of his shift.
Fei Huan tried to bury himself in his work, going over the case leads, reports, and analysis meetings… He kept glancing at the clock. Xiao Shao and the others slung their arms over one another’s shoulders and asked, “Fei Huan, what’s wrong? In a hurry to get off work?”
But Fei Huan knew perfectly well that he was worried about getting off work.
Where would he go after work? Xu Luotao wasn’t coming.
The thought of getting off work made his heart ache. Once work ended, he would have to face everything. Once work ended, he would remember that damn phone call.
No matter how unwilling he was, time continued to pass.
Watching coldly as the clock reached the point he least wanted it to reach, Fei Huan decided to help himself.
Would he die without Xu Luotao? Hmph…
He opened the car door with a dark expression, got in, and slammed it shut again.
I’ll find someone else. With me, Fei Huan, could I really not find someone to sleep with?
As he imagined how angry Xu Luotao would be at seeing him being sweet with someone else, Fei Huan drove toward the gay bar he knew of.
What kind of person should he find? Fei Huan considered it secretly. Someone tall, dignified, easy on the eyes, elegant, with a hint of wickedness, like…
He wanted to find some celebrity he could use as a template, but Xu Luotao’s face started causing trouble in his mind.
Bastard!
Angrily, Fei Huan pulled the car over to the side of the road and stared blankly through the window.
He didn’t want to find anyone else. Not because of Xu Luotao, but simply because… Why should he ruin himself just because he’d broken up with a scumbag?
Fei Huan opened the car door and walked into the supermarket by the roadside, where he picked up two cases of beer.
Tonight, he would drink until he was satisfied.
After crossing the bustling streets filled with traffic, he finally drove into the residential complex.
Carrying the two cases of beer he intended to drink to his heart’s content, Fei Huan looked up at his balcony downstairs with the last bit of hope he had left: it was pitch-black.
His mood inevitably sank a little further.
Insisting stubbornly that he didn’t care, Fei Huan stood calmly at the door and opened the cold, heavy iron gate.
Although he had known it would be like this, the silence and darkness filling the apartment still made an aching feeling spread from the tip of his nose.
He looked just like an abandoned wife…
Fei Huan mocked himself and stepped into the darkness of the apartment.
The hairs all over his body suddenly stood on end. An uneasy air drifted through the living room.
A police officer’s instincts made him roll forward and hit the floor like a spring released from its catch. He threw aside the beer in his hand and drew his gun.
Too late.
The shadow that had been hiding in the darkness behind him swooped out like a whirlwind. The clean, fluid movement displayed extraordinary skill. With a light twist, the attacker redirected the force and knocked the gun from Fei Huan’s hand, then pressed both legs ambiguously against Fei Huan’s lower abdomen.
“So vicious? Heh…” The low, teasing voice belonged to the man Fei Huan hated enough to grind his teeth over, Xu Luotao.
In the moonlight shining in through the balcony, Fei Huan could clearly see the handsome face above him, attractive with a hint of wicked charm. His taut nerves relaxed, only for him to lift his head at once. His eyes blazed, making him look like a little male cat with every hair standing on end. “What are you doing here?”
No matter what nonsense Xu Luotao said, Fei Huan had decided he would give him only one answer: Get out!
Xu Luotao gazed at Fei Huan’s furious face with a smile that was not quite a smile and said nothing. He blinked mischievously, then suddenly lowered his head and kissed Fei Huan’s lips, reddened by anger.
“Mmph…” Fei Huan had never expected Xu Luotao to pull a move like that and was struck before he could react.
The familiar scent, the domineering presence, devouring every thought.
Fei Huan’s rigid body softened in Xu Luotao’s arms as sweet gasps escaped his mouth. During the long, scorching kiss… Xu Luotao watched with amused eyes as Fei Huan struggled in his arms, then melted despite himself.
His tongue swept through the gaps between every white tooth, and a sweet storm took control of Fei Huan’s breathing.
“Did you miss me?” Xu Luotao asked with a smug smile, his deep masculine voice uniquely his own.
Fei Huan relaxed and lay languidly in Xu Luotao’s arms, panting hurriedly, his face burning hot. Even so, he still stuck out his neck and said, “Miss you? Do you deserve that?”
Xu Luotao said nothing. He pressed down on Fei Huan, chuckled a few times, then pulled him up from the floor as well.
“Hey! Didn’t you say you weren’t coming? Why are you here now?” Fei Huan brushed the dust from his clothes and picked up the gun lying to the side. He wanted to look resolute as he drove Xu Luotao away, but his resolve was noticeably lacking.
His handsome face still carried a faint flush from the passionate kiss, and one button of his shirt collar had been pulled open by Xu Luotao, revealing the firm, enticing skin that stretched from his neck to his chest and gleamed with a seductive sheen.
Fei Huan stood there looking pretty and lively, shy yet petulant. His coquettish appearance instantly kindled the sparks of desire already flickering in Xu Luotao.
With an excited look on his face, Xu Luotao took off his expensive suit. He tilted his head, crooking a finger at Fei Huan suggestively, then nodded toward the room with the comfortable bed.
To be honest, Fei Huan also missed the satisfying feeling of entangling himself with Xu Luotao. His face flushed crimson. He glared fiercely at Xu Luotao and gritted his teeth in a low voice. “You lecher. Be careful, or I’ll arrest you and lock you up with the rapists for a few nights.”
Xu Luotao wasn’t angry. He came back, took Fei Huan’s hand, and chuckled as he tried to pull him toward the bedroom, but Fei Huan suddenly yanked his hand free.
“I won’t!”
“Don’t be stubborn.”
Fei Huan remained rooted to the spot, refusing to move. It seemed that moving would mean admitting defeat, and he couldn’t swallow his pride. He stood rigidly for a long while, then looked up at Xu Luotao’s tall, straight body. That always-arrogant, irritating face was now filled with longing and a slightly foolish smile, and Fei Huan’s heart suddenly began to pound.
His gaze drifted to Xu Luotao’s long fingers, and he unintentionally remembered the sensation of those fingers moving over his body, like electricity… Fei Huan hurriedly looked elsewhere, only to discover that Xu Luotao’s lower body had already raised a bulging tent. His heart grew hot, and his ears immediately turned red as well.
“I miss you so much. If you keep this up, I won’t be able to take it.” Xu Luotao had also noticed where Fei Huan was looking. He pointed at his already erect lower body and whined shamelessly.
“I’m not going into the bedroom!” Fei Huan shouted, insisting on his position and determined to torment Xu Luotao a little. Yet when he saw the disappointed look on Xu Luotao’s face, he couldn’t stop his shoulders from trembling with quiet laughter. His handsome face bloomed like a flower suddenly opening in winter, and he lowered his head bashfully. “I’ll do it right here…”
Before he could finish speaking, Xu Luotao pounced on him and knocked him to the floor. Countless scorching kisses rained evenly over his face and body.
“Fei Huan, my Fei Huan is the best.” Xu Luotao murmured as his lips explored that irresistibly alluring body, as though he were reciting some kind of spell. Warmth spread through Fei Huan’s heart.
Another bout of passionate lovemaking followed. Xu Luotao pressed forcefully on top of Fei Huan, making him constantly cry out Xu Luotao’s name. The captivating moans, those silky, seductive eyes, and Fei Huan’s smooth skin, whose pale inner surface formed a striking contrast with the darker skin of his exposed arms, all stimulated Xu Luotao.
“Mmph…”
Fei Huan bit down hard on his lower lip. He felt the large organ buried inside him suddenly withdraw completely, the violent friction making both him and Xu Luotao let out a low gasp.
The next moment, Xu Luotao thrust straight back inside without warning. The force was so fierce it felt as though all of Fei Huan’s internal organs were about to be crushed out of him.
Fei Huan cried out in surprise and cursed, “Damn it! You could at least… Ah… at least say something…”
“It wouldn’t be fun if I did.” Xu Luotao smiled wickedly and caught Fei Huan’s earlobe between his lips.
In a frenzy of thrusting, Xu Luotao worked desperately within the long, narrow passage that seemed to tighten more and more, building up little by little until, at the peak of Fei Huan’s unbearable pleasure, he released all his energy in a scream.
It was as if they had both died once in a fire. Clinging to each other, they panted rapidly, trying to calm the overloaded pounding in their chests.
“Hey, get off me. You’re heavy.” Fei Huan nudged Xu Luotao’s lower body with his knee.
Xu Luotao refused to move and lowered his head to bite Fei Huan’s lips again.
“Hurry up and pull it out. It’s making me uncomfortable staying inside me like this!” Fei Huan turned his face away to avoid Xu Luotao’s kiss and twisted his body. The object still lodged deep inside suddenly rubbed against his inner walls, sending a shiver of pleasure through Fei Huan after his climax.
Xu Luotao continued nibbling at Fei Huan’s beautiful neck, already covered in marks, and said hoarsely, “I’m not done yet. Why pull out? Besides, I’ll have to put it back in later anyway.”
Truly, nothing decent ever came out of that dog’s mouth!
Fei Huan was so embarrassed he nearly fainted. He reached out and pinched Xu Luotao’s thigh viciously, making Xu Luotao cry out.
“Do you think I’m like you? You’re insatiable all day long. It hurts when you fuck me, you know? I’m not doing it anymore! Don’t touch me again tonight!” Fei Huan shouted, pushing Xu Luotao off him and turning to run into the bathroom, where he shut the door tightly.
Xu Luotao was shoved to the other end of the sofa and leaned back against it. He watched ambiguously as Fei Huan ran into the bathroom in a very uncomfortable posture, but he made no move to follow.
With Xu Luotao’s ability, it would not have been difficult to force Fei Huan a few more times. Fei Huan’s temper was like the wind, gone as soon as it blew. If Xu Luotao forced him now, he would certainly get angry, but once it was over, he would let it go. After a few days of fussing, they would make up as before. No woman could compare with him in that respect: he never held a grudge.
However, Fei Huan’s experience was still limited. He and Xu Luotao had known each other for barely a month, and Fei Huan had never had a boyfriend before. In other words, although Fei Huan was a naturally passionate beauty, he had only one month of sexual experience. He looked tall and broad, and his personality was fierce enough, but his body was extremely slender. Too much sex in too short a time was not good for him.
It was rare to find such a good bedmate, and Xu Luotao did not want to ruin him easily.
There was no denying that, among all his partners, Fei Huan was still one of the few Xu Luotao cared about more.
Xu Luotao lit a cigarette on the sofa. After a while, the bathroom door opened.
Fei Huan had changed into a white robe and was roughly drying his dripping-wet hair with a towel. The steam had given his handsome face a distinctive pink flush, while the mottled blue and red kiss marks on his neck made him look even more sensual. Xu Luotao’s eyes immediately lit up as he gazed at Fei Huan, and that strange smile spread across his face once again.
Fei Huan tilted his head and, entirely off guard, wiped at the water continually dripping from his hair. When he caught Xu Luotao staring, the roots of his ears flushed red again. He asked fiercely, “What are you looking at?”
“You.” Xu Luotao answered honestly, deliberately raking his lustful gaze up and down Fei Huan’s body without restraint.
Fei Huan burst out laughing. His laughter was bright and pleasant, and it was Xu Luotao’s favorite sound.
“Look all you want.” Fei Huan sat grandly beside Xu Luotao, then tilted his head and warned him with a beaming smile, “You may look, but you may not touch.”
Displaying his fit body and exquisite face proudly, Fei Huan let Xu Luotao’s appreciative gaze roam over him.
“My birthday is the day after tomorrow.” Fei Huan suddenly spoke in a flat tone.
Xu Luotao quickly glanced at Fei Huan, then smiled. “What do you want for a present?”
“Whatever I want, you’ll give me?” Fei Huan asked meaningfully.
“If what you want is me, I suppose I’ll have to make a small sacrifice, put myself in a gift box, and have myself delivered to you.”
Fei Huan swatted Xu Luotao with the towel in his hand. “Stop being so conceited.” Then he said sweetly, “I want you to go see a movie with me on my birthday.”
Xu Luotao froze for a moment, then shook his head. “No, I can’t.”
“Why?” Fei Huan asked in surprise.
“First, I won’t have time that day. Second, I hate watching movies.”
Fei Huan didn’t want to ruin the pleasant mood, so he compromised. “Then let’s go for a walk together.”
“Sure. I’ll take you to the villa I just bought halfway up the mountain.”
“I want to go somewhere crowded. Could you stop taking me to places with no people? I want to walk around with you somewhere people actually live!”
Xu Luotao showed no expression. “Why do you want to go somewhere with people?”
Fei Huan pouted. “Because you never take me out to meet anyone.” He climbed onto Xu Luotao and asked threateningly, “Am I ugly? Am I so embarrassing that you can’t let anyone see me?”
Xu Luotao burst out laughing at Fei Huan’s coquettish behavior, rolled over, and pinned him beneath him, launching into another round of attack…
The night was long, and this was the time for revelry.
Two days later, Xu Luotao still did not take Fei Huan out.
He called Fei Huan, his voice filled with twelve parts regret.
“Fei Huan, something came up today, so I can’t accompany you. I’ve booked the entire top floor of Donghua Tower for tonight.” Xu Luotao’s magnetic voice carried a faint coaxing note. “Let’s have a good night together, just the two of us.”
Fei Huan wasn’t terribly angry. He was somewhat unhappy, but he wasn’t a petty person, although his temper was not always very good.
The police cafeteria was still bustling with voices at noon, and Fei Huan sat at the dining table. Using his plans for tonight as an excuse, he politely declined his brothers’ invitation to celebrate his birthday together, naturally earning a chorus of teasing and mockery.
“Good grief… Fei Huan has lost his freedom already.” Xiao Shao clicked his tongue.
Feng Peng slapped Fei Huan on the shoulder. “When are you bringing them out for us to see? Anyone you take a fancy to must be pretty great.”
“Maybe they’re hideous. Couples are usually opposites, and our Fei Huan is so handso…” Tong Ping had not even finished his nonsense before Fei Huan punched him.
Just as they were laughing and horsing around, an unfamiliar voice joined in.
“Sorry to interrupt.”
Fei Huan and the others looked up in surprise. It was Lin Tongxue from the intelligence division. He had just been transferred over, and they had heard that he had performed exceptionally well in another district. He was also good-looking, tall, and masculine, the sort of person who was obviously an upstanding gentleman at a glance.
People like that generally rose through the ranks quickly.
Lin Tongxue smiled at Fei Huan. “I heard it was your birthday today. I have two movie tickets here…”
As he spoke, he held out the two movie tickets.
Tong Ping asked in astonishment, “Do you even know what you’re saying?”
Who would have thought that even someone like this would…? But at that moment, the look he directed at Fei Huan was unmistakably one of admiration.
Fortunately, the cafeteria was crowded and noisy, and they were speaking quietly, so no one noticed what was happening here.
“How did you know it was my birthday today?” Fei Huan asked with a laugh.
“I checked your records. After the movie, I’d also like to take you out to dinner.” Lin Tongxue was quite the gentleman, smiling openly and letting everyone at the table watch him without the slightest hint of awkwardness.
Fei Huan shot a sideways glance at the movie tickets in his hand. It was a film he had really wanted to see, and he had originally planned to ask Xu Luotao to go with him. He casually drew one of them out.
“I’ll accept the gift. But since it’s my gift, I’d like to go see it by myself. You don’t mind, do you?”
“Of course not.” Lin Tongxue was unfailingly courteous. He smiled with great grace, as if Fei Huan’s accepting even one ticket had already been more than enough to make him grateful.
“As for dinner tonight…” Fei Huan leaned back in his chair and said maliciously, “I have a date with my lover.” He deliberately infused his words with a sweetness and suggestiveness that invited all sorts of fantasies.
Lin Tongxue looked a little disappointed, but he still maintained his excellent manners and said enviously, “Your lover is very lucky.”
“Thank you.” Fei Huan replied politely as well, thinking of Xu Luotao.
If Xu Luotao were to invite him to a movie and dinner in front of everyone like this, what would that scene look like? That damn man always acted as though Fei Huan could not be seen by anyone, deliberately keeping him hidden away.
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