BME | Chapter 1.12

Hyewoo​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ was among the S-rank guides with a particularly large total volume of guiding energy. The Delta Team Espers jokingly called him instant food. It meant that although he wasn’t the most delicious, he could fill them up quickly and in large quantities.

Before even thirty minutes had passed, Kang Jaejun’s eyes slowly began returning to their original color. One eye started to turn golden, but even that soon faded. At last, dark brown eyes emerged.

“Ah…. This feels so good. A little more, please.”

Judging​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ by the color of his eyes, he was already past the critical point, yet Kang Jaejun continued rubbing his lower body against Hyewoo. The gesture, as though he wanted something, was repulsive. Hyewoo flinched when a hand grabbed his buttocks. As contact deepened, the quality of guiding improved, so most Espers preferred penetrative guiding.

Hyewoo looked into Kang Jaejun’s eyes. Even if he said he wanted to stop now, he didn’t think Kang Jaejun would listen. Desire filled Jaejun’s eyes now that he had regained his composure. They were alone, with a Guide who had taken off his clothes, and there was no device to protect the Guide. It was clear that no Esper would be able to hold back.

Hyewoo squeezed his eyes shut and pulled Kang Jaejun into an embrace. Kang Jaejun took it as Hyewoo’s permission and buried his face in the crook of Hyewoo’s neck.

“Haa…….​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ This is good. Mm….”

Kang Jaejun closed his eyes and let out a pleased sigh as a languid sensation washed over him. Warmth spread through their touching skin. It felt as though heat were filling his entire body.

This was the first time in Kang Jaejun’s life that he had experienced such complete guiding. It was like lying in a sunlit bedroom on a weekend with no plans, enjoying a drowsy afternoon nap, like……

His​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ thoughts did not continue for long. Soon, Kang Jaejun lost consciousness and collapsed.

The weight of his limp body was considerable, and Hyewoo groaned. Even after seeing Kang Jaejun asleep, Hyewoo did not panic. He examined his face. To make sure Kang Jaejun was completely asleep, Hyewoo waved a hand over his eyes. Kang Jaejun showed no reaction and breathed evenly.

He’s asleep. Relief spread across Hyewoo’s face. Hyewoo carefully crawled out from beneath Kang Jaejun’s body. He eased himself out little by little, in case he woke up.

By​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ the time he finally got all the way out, his entire body was drenched in sweat. Relief at having escaped drained all the strength from his body.

Hyewoo crawled toward the nearest wall. His body, which had been rigid moments ago, trembled intermittently as the tension left it. He glanced over at Kang Jaejun, who was still asleep.

Words like I did it and I survived came to mind. Hyewoo leaned his back against the wall and took deep breaths.

“Haa,​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ haa…….”

This was a method Hyewoo had accidentally discovered when he had become Delta Team’s sub Guide and been confined to the mansion. He called it sleep guiding.

Ordinary guiding usually aroused sexual stimulation, but apparently, once it went beyond a certain point, it also produced the languor felt after ejaculation. And if even more energy was poured in from there, it was possible to put an Esper to sleep.

Of​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ course, it did not work well on S-rank Espers at the same level as Hyewoo. Perhaps it would be different if the Esper consented beforehand, but this method could only be used on Espers whose wavelength volume was considerably lower than Hyewoo’s. Also, since it merely put them into a deep sleep, they would wake up quickly if a loud noise occurred.

Hyewoo did not know what it was officially called. Sleep guiding was nothing more than a means he had learned while struggling desperately to escape from Espers.

“Ugh, it hurts….”

Once​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ the tension left him, the pain he had forgotten surged back belatedly. Only then did he notice that the concrete wall against his back was chillingly cold.

“I’m cold….”

The cool night air rapidly lowered Hyewoo’s body temperature. One of his wrists was swelling up before his eyes. He was cold and in pain, and he had felt short of breath for a while now.

“…Ah.”

A​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ moment later, gooseflesh rose all over his back. Having suffered several attacks before, Hyewoo immediately realized that this was a warning sign.

Hyewoo frantically rummaged through his pockets. But there was nothing for his hand to find. He patted down his entire body, but nothing turned up. Where’s my medicine? Why isn’t it here? He had long since forgotten that he had already taken the day’s entire dose.

Somewhere, he heard a wheezing breath. It took Hyewoo several seconds to realize that the sound was coming from him.

Hyewoo​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ hunched over as far as he could and hugged his knees. It was obvious that he would have another attack if he stayed like this. He tried to soothe himself, telling himself to calm down, but it did little good. The harder he tried to come to his senses, the blurrier his vision became.

“No….”

No matter how deeply he inhaled, his chest felt tight. Once he realized he had no medicine, he could not even manage to take a proper deep breath. It felt as though all the air around him had vanished.

His entire body had frozen solid, leaving him unable to move.

Then​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ he heard a thin whimper. That sound, too, was coming from Hyewoo’s throat. He did not know when he had started crying. Both his cheeks were wet. He had prepared himself so thoroughly, and yet he was having another attack. Hyewoo hated himself for being like this.

“Ugh….”

Drip, drip. Tears fell onto his hunched feet. The transparent droplets gradually changed form, eventually transforming into white snow. Even the night wind blowing between the empty buildings became a blizzard to Hyewoo.

In an instant, Hyewoo was back on that day in the future. The day he had lost his life.

The snowflakes piled up little by little until they had covered Hyewoo’s feet. The icy wind slapped his cheeks. He could not breathe. He had been mistaken to think Jo Huitae would not leave him to die. That day, Hyewoo had frozen to death.

If​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ he stayed like this, he would die again.

“Hic….”

An irrational certainty seized Hyewoo’s mind. He tried to get up and run, but only his hands and feet trembled violently. Hyewoo instinctively began to plead.

“Save me, please save me….”

But​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ the moment the words “save me” left his mouth, an abyss of despair surged over him.

No matter how loudly he cried out, no one would come to help Hyewoo. That was the conclusion he had reached after countless experiences.

Then why was he doing this? There was no one to help him, and he had no reason to live, so he could not understand why he was begging to be saved. Even so, Hyewoo begged for his life as though it were only natural.

“No matter what happens,” he had to live. That was what Hyewoo had to do.

“You don’t even have the courage to die, yet you’re putting on a show…. Go on, try it. Cut yourself. Yeah, I knew you couldn’t.”

“Hyewoo. I thought you’d kill yourself after Dr. Lee died. But now that I’ve seen for myself, I guess that’s not really the case. How interesting. Yeah, I know. Nothing’s more precious than your life.”

Jo​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ Huitae had come to mock Hyewoo after his failed suicide attempt. He had shoved another shard of glass into Hyewoo’s hand and taunted him, egging him on to try dying if he could. Hyewoo had been unable to do anything. In the end, he had even begged Jo Huitae to save him, saying that he had to live.

Watching Hyewoo, Jo Huitae had laughed as though he found him absurd. Hyewoo had wanted to die from the humiliation, but he still could not find the courage to do it.

Hyewoo had never accomplished anything through his own strength in his entire life. He could not even follow his father in death, shrinking back like a frightened mouse. He was pathetic, and unworthy of being alive.

The​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ only use Hyewoo had was guiding. That was the one thing he could do. But even that was not a unique ability. Even if Hyewoo died, it would be entirely possible to find a replacement.

Then did it not matter at all if his existence disappeared?

Why live? Why…? No matter how deeply he thought about it, he could not come up with a reason to live. His chapped, mangled lips moved weakly.

“Hah,​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ huff, die….”

The plea I want to die never made it out of his mouth. As though an invisible hand had closed around his throat, all that escaped were ragged breaths. Hyewoo scratched at his neck, trying to break the unseen shackles.

Hyewoo’s struggling body collapsed onto the ground. Please save me, please, save me. That wretched plea spilled from his mouth once again.

No one’s going to come even if you beg. Please, stop. That was what he thought.

But​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ the body that had betrayed its master’s will would not allow Hyewoo to give up. The guiding energy curled up inside him slowly began to rise. Spreading through his veins, it burst out in every direction.

As though calling for his Esper, an overwhelming amount of energy spread outward in rolling waves.

“……”

Hyewoo remained curled up on the ground, shedding silent tears.

Even​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ as he wished that no one would come, he was also praying that someone, anyone, would please save him. He could not tell which was his true desire.

Thud, thud. Low footsteps rang out. His dazed mind slowly awakened at the familiar sound. Someone was approaching Hyewoo with steps that seemed almost frantic.

Every one of Hyewoo’s nerves strained toward the approaching presence. He could not see anything through his blurred vision, but he knew who had come looking for him.

“…Young Master, are you…?”

Baek​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ Jinwon. It was that man.

It was the first time in Hyewoo’s life that his call had reached another person.

Hyewoo continued to gasp. Jinwon was saying something, but his ears felt clogged, and he could not make it out clearly.

As​‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‍‌‌‍‌‌‌‍‍‌‍‌‍‍‍‍‍‌‌‌‍​ though he had never thought of wanting to die, Hyewoo forced air into his lungs in order to live. He came looking for me. He came for me…. Hyewoo did not know whether what flowed down his cheeks were tears of joy or the opposite.

“Young Master, this way….”

A large hand carefully helped Hyewoo sit up. Guided by the gentle touch, Hyewoo rested his head against the man’s chest. The man whispered something. Hyewoo could not understand the words, but he could tell that the voice was very tender.